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You’ve Got Mail……And a Disorder!

November 18, 2008

So, I’ve been trying to get back into the swing of things and trying to recover from my Post Election Fatigue and have not been able to do so. I’ve been beating myself up over it a bit, but I shouldn’t have….turns out, it is SO not my fault! I have a disease!

“Workers are being driven to distraction by their inboxes, checking e-mails up to 40 times an hour, in a chronic condition that now has its own name: e-stress.

Researchers at Glasgow University have found that e-mails disrupt the workday – and can cause anxiety for a third of employees……………. using computer monitoring software, researchers found the checking rate was 30 to 40 times an hour.

“People’s brains get tired from breaking off from something every few minutes to check e-mails,” said Karen Renaud, of Glasgow University. “The more distractions, including e-mail, the more you will be tired and less productive.”

I have a sneaking suspicion that this will become the latest, fashionable Disability claim. Sorry, tax payers, but I obsessively check my emails and it is causing a chronic, I repeat, a CHRONIC condition. E-stress. I know it sounds like total bollocks, but honestly, who can possibly work all while frantically clicking their Gmail page? (refresh…..refresh….come on!…….refresh…..I have no friends…refresh……I’m a loser……..refresh……this is sad…..refresh….I’m not going to check again…….OK just once more……refresh…..shit).

Not I. Disability check, please. It is apparently far more stressful than, say, being shot at in Iraq and protecting THE WORLD from terrorists. The smart researcher men (and women so as to avoid charges of misogyny) said it is chronic! Hello? I’m checking to see if I received any responses to my HuffPo comments and I must check compulsively — It’s a very urgent matter, obviously, because, as you know, dissent is the new Patriotism. Damn the stress of being a Patriot! Plus, I’m impatiently waiting for my hopeandchange.

*Fed up and curmudgeonly Sigh. Again.*

Niwa science support manager Richard Richardson said he received between 30 and 40 e-mails a day, including several with attachments to be read.

He uses a colour-coded system to deal with the e-mail avalanche. “It can be quite stressful.”

Workers and bosses needed to work out how to manage e-mails, for example cutting down on “pointless” e-mails between team members who sat only a few metres apart, he said.

One method was to set aside a certain amount of time a day to deal with e-mails, rather than tackling them as they arrived.”

Ooooh – – a whole 40 emails a day. How utterly stressful. Er, Not. I used to get way more than that on a SLOW EBay (that used to be my workplace. That’s right, I am THAT cool. Jealous, much?) auction ending day and I didn’t flip out….Or no more than usual, at least. Granted, that isn’t saying much. Regardless, I think that perhaps this is yet another typical reversal of cause and effect? It appears to me that the people who compulsively check emails likely are full on neurotics to begin with, no?

I also would have made fun of the losers sending emails while sitting mere feet away from each other, but I have to, pathetically, admit that my brother and I (he lived with me for 6 months until he found a place down here in SC) took to texting each other IN THE HOUSE. Thus proving that we are not only complete and utter dorks, but hideously lazy dorks to boot.

Crap. Maybe I really do have a chronic condition.

Whatevs! I still beg to differ with the “researchers”. Though they should receive well-deserved kudos from coming up with the completely laughable, moronic psychobabble concept of “eStress“, they missed an important factor…….checking e-mail is WAY more fun than actually working.

Perusing all those hysterical joke emails (sigh), pissed-offedly (it’s a word!) deleting those fecking chain emails, checking to see if you won that Gary Sinise Real Doll from that “alternative lifestyle” auction site totally beats out whatever mind-numbing drudgery you are being paid to do. I might be so bold as to say that even an email from your boss is far more interesting than actually DOING whatever the boss is hounding you to do.

Trying to suggest that inbox checking, even frenetic inbox checking, is a tension-filled stress-fest is on par with those who try to claim that keeping score in kid’s sports causes debilitating self-esteem issues and anxiety attacks. Or that ONE measly night with a Thai Lady-boy causes sexual identity disorder……I’m asssuming that is also an “official” disorder. I can’t keep up with them all, but it is a safe bet, methinks.

Next I expect that they (they being the oh so wise “researchers” and sundry psychobabblers) will inform us that frantic, compulsive Facebook checking causes Competitive Friend Count Stress Disorder or Self-esteem Trauma Disorder (or STD for short), never mind that pesky fear of sexual predators deal.

I could go on…..I have a theory that the whole eStress deal is really President Bush’s fault and can be traced back to his Illegal War and his obvious utter disdain for The Middle Class, affectionately known as The Folks, and The Children, but my carpal tunnel is flaring up. I think I need to sue my computer manufacturer and the intranets (does anyone have contact info for the intranets? Thanks!) for enabling my crippling disorder.

I feel a doctor’s visit coming on!

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Gaines permalink
    November 18, 2008 10:55 am

    Okay… I read the whole thing and this is what I got…

    emails – good
    researchers – bad

    If I’m off please let me know via email, but only during working hours as I could use the break…

  2. Lori_Z permalink
    November 21, 2008 2:04 am

    Haha Gaines! Yep, that about sums it up. When in doubt, it is ALWAYS…

    Researchers- Bad.

    Unless, of course, they have concluded something with which I agree. I then reserve the right to alter said judgment.

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