Real Housewives of DC: Let’s play 52 race card pickup
It started off slow. And by slow I mean showing more footage of all the lines from the ads they’ve been airing the last three months. The ladies deliver their video socialist resumes. Mary Amons is practically a Kennedy and lives in the burbs. Stacie Turner declares DC “the chocolate city” and dismisses people who live in the burbs as not authentically DC. Maybe they don’t want to be authentically DC. Then there’s Salahi, oh boy. She met POTUS way back in the day and prophesied his rise to power. Next is Lynda, the one that runs a modeling agency. Twice divorced, she says she doesn’t want to get married again because that would be like having another child. Can’t imagine why those relationships failed. She’s a cougar and has the boyfriend that’s half her age and twice her size to prove it. Finally, there’s Cat. I like her, and I’ll tell you why in a bit. She’s from England and is here “for a good time, not a long time”. I thought it was interesting that she said her kids are thrilled to be living in America because British kids generally just want to be more American.
Cameras follow the Amons family on their yearly photo shoot for the Christmas Holiday card. Apparently, a good Holiday card is crucial to staying connected in DC.
The Salahi’s host a Marco Polo tournament. See Michaele mingle. She introduces alpha lobbyist Edwina Rogers to Cat. Rogers comes across as the Republican in the funny hate that no one really wants to hang out with. I don’t know from lobbyists, but an inside the beltway source tells me she is a “big F-in deal”. Lynda doesn’t attend the event. She claims the Salahi’s have neglected to pay people she connected them with in the past and referred to the event as a “goat rodeo”. Me. Ow.
Next we visit Casa de Amons. She has a biometric lock on her closet. Only her fingerprint can get you in. I want one. At her birthday party she seats the two black guests together because she just knew they would hit it off (Yup, here we go). Then she gets drunk and takes a stand for integrating beauty salons. No one bothers to call 911 as her mouth falls down the stairs.
On to the Cathouse. We meet her husband, the fabulous photographer ( he really is). He tells her kids about his recent trip to North Carolina, describing it as “just like Deliverance”. What a jerk. And why are we relating to children with a Deliverance reference?
Ooh, sidebar. The gay. No socialite clique is complete without a young gay guy in a stereotypically gay line of work that is just besties with all the ladies. This dude is working all of them, smiling and you-know-it-ing to all their trash talk. Lynda charges him with addressing Michaele about her rapid weight loss. Lynda really cares a lot about Michaele “goat rodeo” Salahi that’s why she’s discussing her weight issues with everyone but Michaele on national television.
They saved the best for last. Turner invites some of the ladies to her home for a cooking class from some famous chef. (No! Stop laughing. When you laugh it makes me laugh). If I remember correctly there were exactly 2 black ladies and 2 white ladies. One of those white ladies is Cat, and Cat calls it like it is. Cat doesn’t like Tyra Banks (no one likes Tyra Banks, except for Tyra Banks). She proceeds to make a very good case for not liking Banks, a case that ends in a pretty bad Tyra Banks impression complete with that black lady snapping her fingers head roll thing. Crickets. Then Cat is telling the girls about her husband’s job. He’s been the photographer for George Bush and Barack Obama. She had the audacity to compliment George Bush as a human being. She also mentions that George Bush RSVPed to her wedding and Obama did not. RACIST!
… and scene.