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Real Housewives of DC: a primer

August 5, 2010

Some broads that live in DC

I’ve been waiting all summer for this.  All my adult life really.  Every minute of every hour of every day has been but mind numbing busywork, passing the time leading up to this moment.  THE moment.  The premiere of the “Real Housewives of DC” on Bravo.  Mark Burnett was born to make reality shows that would make reality shows really popular so that this show would be made… for me, for you, for America. 
So much divides us. and that is so very sad.  It’s not what the Founding Fathers intended.  Just last week as I was paying for a funnelcake (or as I call them, freedomcakes) I was moved to see a single tear fall from George Washington’s eye on the dollar bill I was using.  OK, maybe it was powdered sugar.  Or maybe God used powdered sugar to get my attention.  Who knows?  I’m thinking with my heart again.  What I do know is that there is no hope for this nation if we can’t come together on common ground.  And why can’t mocking these silly women and their silly lives be that common ground?  C’mon, let’s meet the ladies:

Catherine Ashley Ommanney:  Foreigner, soon to be ex-wife of a Newsweek photographer.  BOO!  What kind of a name is “Ommanney”?  Like, “Oh man, that Ommanney lady is such a drag.”  I think she’s the one in the ads that says, “Boring is something DC is not.”  But she pronounces it “nawt”.  Blech.  I think we should all get together and just hate the bejeesus out of her.  
Stacie Scott Turner: Her husband used to work for the mayor of DC.  She went to Howard and Harvard.  She used to work for BET.  Now she’s a realtor with 2 kids.  My best friend from high school is a realtor with 2 kids.  Her name is Amy.  She named her dog after Al Gore’s wife. (Sadly, I’ve just learned that Tipper had to be put down yesterday.)  
Lynda Erkiletian: She’s the oldest, a divorced mother of four who owns a modeling agency.  I’m bored.
Mary Schmidt Amons: Socialite.  I think that’s code for housewife.  Hey, I’m a socialite too!  She and her husband have 5 kids.  BREEDER!  Her oldest is named Lolly.  Darn, I might like this one.  Wait, she might be the one that said the thing about DC not being boring.  I can’t tell from blondes.
And last but not least,
Michaele Salahi:  Not ringing a bell.  I have no idea how to pronounce that first name, but I imagine we’ll find out.  Her bio at Bravo says, “Michaele has met numerous political leaders across the globe.”  Gee, I wonder who.  She worked at Nordstrom before she got married in 2003.  Big deal.  I worked at Office Depot before I got married in 2002.  The scuttlebutt is she has boundary issues.
Now you know.  Tonight (and I’m assuming every Thursday) on Bravo 9/8 CST (Chicago gets everything first).  Don’t forget.  They hardly ever re-air these things.  I’ll be live-tweeting using the hashtag #rhtcot (real housewives of tcot, which would be a better show) and post recaps on fridays.  Cuz that’s my funday, my I’m too drunk to run-day.

P.S. Riggs won’t be watching.

crossposted at POWIP and KillTruck

9 Comments leave one →
  1. August 5, 2010 5:23 pm

    Great post killtruck. I wonder what percentage of Americans are now brain-dead? It amazes me how many of these mindless reality shows are on TV now days. I would rather watch paint dry than to subject myself to the torture of “reality TV”. I will however eagerly await your comments on this particular piece of trash as I am sure you will make much more entertaining.

    • killtruck permalink
      August 5, 2010 5:59 pm

      The hour of mindlessness is what appeals to me. I think these are the new soap operas, ya know?

      • Molten permalink
        August 6, 2010 6:39 am

        While I’m not surprised that you’d find an “hour of mindlessness” appealing, I will enlighten you on What kind of a name “Ommanney” is.

        A family of that name was found in France circa 1680, but the origin of the “Ommanney” surname is almost certainly Irish.

        I notice that you call her a “foreigner” and suggest that we should all “just hate the bejeesus out of her.”

        Do you have a problem with the Irish, Killtruck?

        • killtruck permalink
          August 6, 2010 10:02 am

          It’s satire, idiot.

  2. August 6, 2010 8:37 am

    The kicker with Ms. Salahi is that her weekend house isn’t even hers! LOL!! She is borrowing a house for the show… They don’t own a weekend house – heck they probably don’t even own any house.
    She was supposed to show at polo one night, but never did. No big loss.
    The real housewives of DC – the show couldn’t keep up with us — all the running we do, the laundry, the dishes, the pto meetings… it’s all so exhilarating! No wonder they choose people who are supposedly wealthy with little to do.

  3. August 7, 2010 11:37 pm

    drama sells well in america

    • killtruck permalink
      August 8, 2010 1:52 am

      The thing is a lot of people are clearly watching these shows, or they wouldn’t keep add new franchises. But it’s like trying to find a McCain primary voter, you know they’re out there but no one will admit to being one.

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