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My Stomach is Rielle-ing. Edwards Sex Tape Exists

March 15, 2010

I knew it did, but I was in deep, deep denial.  The existence of a John Edwards, Rielle Hunter sex tape has now been confirmed.

The Edwards sex tape is the Rielle deal

Courtesy of The Daily Caller

At least according to Diane Dimond at the Daily Beast. This alleged John Edwards/Rielle Hunter sex tape sounds less and less alleged all the time. WARNING: PREGNANT SEX AHEAD.

The Daily Beast can now describe the video in detail, based on accounts from multiple people who have viewed it. One source who has a medical background and has worked with pregnant patients says Hunter appears four or five months pregnant based on the swollen state of her belly and nipples. This would would place the tape’s filming somewhere around September or October of 2007, smack in the middle of Edwards campaign for the presidency.

On the video, both participants are naked. Hunter is propped up against the hotel bed headboard, with John Edwards belly-down on the bed between her legs. As Hunter, the campaign’s official videographer, holds the camera, a smiling Edwards performs oral sex. Because of the camera angle, Hunter’s face is not visible, but her distinctive jewelry is. Not only does candidate Edwards know he’s being filmed, one source says, he’s also clowning around and “graphically performing for the camera.”

Eww. Like I said before, when Edwards blames Bush, it takes on a whole new, icky meaning.

My mind’s eye is now forever scarred.

John Edwards is not only a man of incredibly obscene arrogance, but he is the dumbassiest of all dumbasses. He TAPED it? While running for President of the United States?

His Two Americas: One where people are faithful to their cancer-stricken wives. The other, where people do a samba “down south” with their pregnant mistress. Who has “distinctively bejeweled” girly parts.

Treacher’s best line: “Wow. I’ve heard of politicians kissing babies, but usually not until they’re born!”

3 Comments leave one →
  1. killtruck permalink
    March 15, 2010 5:22 pm

    I don’t get the “distinctive jewelry” part. What, did she bedazzle “it” ?

    That’s what I assume.

    • Lori Ziganto permalink*
      March 15, 2010 5:24 pm

      Oh, eww. I *joke* about my womb being fancy because I bedazzled it. That is ruined for me now. RUINED.

      Why does Rielle Hunter hate me?

  2. July 10, 2010 2:59 am

    It is remarkable, this very valuable message

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