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Sanctimonious Asses? Now There’s An App For That!

December 29, 2009

Know anyone who is self-righteous, a total hypocrite and has no life? Now there is an app made just for them !

Listen up, all you eco-warriors: Your days of griping in vain about neighborhood energy waste may be coming to an end. Finally, there’s a tool that we normal folks can use to report environmentally negligent behavior. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to EcoSnoop.

The EcoSnoop app lets individuals report on wastage of water, energy, trash or toxic pollutants. You can view cases filed near you via GPS and add documentation using photos and commentary. You can create your own complaints if, for example, your grocery store is leaving the parking lot lights on during the day or your neighbor is dumping oil down the drain.

They are right about one thing: the days of “griping in vain about energy waste” might really be at an end — because global warming is a huge hoax! But, Eco-warriors? More like Eco-Whiners. I picture them sitting all full of Smug ™ in their parents houses, (lord forbid they actually work and take care of themselves) whining about things like how they need, nay, deserve, free health care. All while they type away on their state of the art Mac computers, chatting on their super expensive iPhones and anxiously worrying about their largest problem: whether to put their iPod on normal play or shuffle.

Listen, busy-body buttinskies, scientists played a massive hoax on us all with their global warming scam. Likely as retribution for being shoved in lockers, atomic wedgies and all that pointing and laughing. This affects ME now, however, as your snooping is not just annoying, but has the potential of catching me in compromising positions.

Admit it, eco-tools. The truth is that you are trying to compensate and pay-back for the fact that we non-tools collapsed with laughter when you asked us to the prom, and then told all our friends and giggled like a pack of hyenas every time you scurried by. The truth hurts, but must be told: feigning concern for “issues” done solely in a quest to get laid, will not result in actually, you know, getting any.

You see, this is exactly how we weed you out. It is all part of our Vast “Climate Change Denier” Wing Conspiracy of evolutionary cleansing.

Also? Get the hell off my lawn — and my porch light!

(originally / cross-posted at

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