Egypt’s ‘Dr Ruth’ Should Have Won Nobel Peace Prize
The Nobel Peace Prize committee, in a fit of what can only be described as schoolgirl fawnishness, gave the award to President Obama merely for being the object of their crushes. As such, I submit that it should be renamed the Nobel Piece (of Ass) Prize. No one deserves that award more than Egypt’s “Dr. Ruth”. Not only does she have the “piece” part covered (it’s her job!), but the result of her hard work and dedication can only lead to more peace as well. She has taken on the task of teaching radical Muslim men to Make Love, Not Jihad.
I read about this Middle Eastern Dr. Ruth a while ago and was reminded of her again the other day while I was reading this article about Egyptian lawmakers who want to ban fake hymens. (Unlike our President, I actually read things about bad guys and don’t just pretend that they don’t exist nor do I invite them over for 4th of July barbeques and stuff.)
Prominent Egyptian religious scholar Abdel Moati Bayoumi said anyone who imports the artificial hymen should be punished.
“This product encourages illicit sexual relations. Islamic culture forbids these relations except within the confines of marriage,” Bayoumi said. “I think this should absolutely not be allowed to be exported because it brings more harm than benefits. Whoever does it (imports it) should be punished.” [snip]
Kotb noted that a medical procedure that reattaches a broken hymen by stitching is illegal in Egypt and can cost hundreds of dollars — prohibitively expensive for the poor. But many women still secretly seek it out in fear of punishment for pre-marital sex.
Such punishment could include slayings at the hands of relatives, a practice more commonly referred to as honor killings and common in the more conservative tribal areas of the Middle East.
You see, according to the male lawmakers in Egypt, a woman who has sex before marriage should do the right thing and let herself be honor killed! How dare she try to save her own life and deprive her family of such prestige!
The Kotb referred to in the article is Dr. Heba Kotb. I was first introduced to her a couple of years ago via an article on CNN.com. Based on her Nobel Prize slight and on the resurgence of the Taliban in Afghanistan, I believe her work needs to be brought to light and intensified, as it does not appear to be working…….yet. To that end, I have some advice for her.
“Dr. Heba Kotb is tackling a taboo in the Arab world unlike anyone else: She’s talking about sex openly on a show broadcast all over the Middle East.
It’s a big first in these parts of the world, and Kotb leaves little uncovered. “We talk about masturbation … sex over the Internet. We talk about sex and Ramadan. We talk about the wedding night,” said Kotb. Entitled “The Big Talk,” the show is broadcast once a week over a satellite channel from Cairo, Egypt.”
Now, I’ve long suspected this; most of the World’s problems would be solved by a little more nookie. We’d be a far less stressed population, wouldn’t we? More civilized and content? Think about it. Who would be bothered living in caves and plotting evil if they were getting some good, regular action? Like most men, they’d instead have a nice snack or a beer and fall off to sleep.
Here is what I would suggest, and this pertains to Radical Muslims only (the cuckoo pants Terrorist kind), if I were Egypt’s Dr. Ruth:
The women must lose the burkas and the hijabs. Well, at least the hot women should. Show a little skin and it will do wonders, I’m certain. Perhaps put burkas on all the goats instead? You know, as a deterrent and all.
The real Egypt’s Dr. Ruth says:
“You have to have foreplay with your wife and you have to have sex with her frequently, not just when you want to.”
I say, Duh. You might have a bigger problem than you realize if even THAT needs explaining. It is also a tad redundant; don’t most men want to get down to business frequently? Wait; never mind. You aren’t talking livestock.
She also quotes a passage from the Qur’an that says “Your wives are as a tilth [land or soil to be cultivated] unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah.”
Um, no. While we do enjoy a good plowing (insert groan here), we aren’t like land. You really must get past the woman as property deal. You also need to lose the fear part. It is not conducive to a woman’s ultimate satisfaction. We don’t do well under pressure.
Mutilating girly bits: Bad (not to mention inhumane & evil).
Stimulating girly bits: Good.
(I am going to regret even mentioning that. Apologies, but I’m not good at the self-editing deal. Self-deprecation, yes. Self-editing, not so much)
Lose the 72 virgins idea. Once the men know what to do properly, they won’t need to rely on a virgin’s carnal ignorance to mask their lack of prowess. While the 72 virgins idea is intriguing to some, it would be difficult to find not only 72 virgins, but also ones to whom size doesn’t matter, shaving is optional and to whom the smell of camel in the morning is an aphrodisiac.
You also need to toss the Fatwa that was issued which states that if a man and a woman are completely naked during sex, their marriage is to be annulled. Self-explanatory, hopefully, unless role playing and costumes are involved, but that is advanced coursework. Stick with the basics first.
That’s just some quick advice, Egypt’s Dr. Ruth. I do Hope it helps and that the Nobel Prize committee realizes the grave error of their ways. In return for my free advice, I ask only that you find some time to pop over to the White House for a Nookie Summit ™ . I have suspicions that it is direly needed, based on President Obama’s “moves”, if you can call them that, on the dance floor, his penchant for Mom jeans and his super dainty beer sipping. If Michelle’s frequent sour puss scowl face is any indication, he “throws down” about as well as he throws a baseball.
I wish you well in your endeavors and I send you kudos on trying to tame the beast. With two backs, that is. (And I don’t mean Rahm Emanuel this time)
(Y’all are smart; please add your own advice for Egypt’s Dr. Ruth.)