Obama Steals Nobel Peace Prize from Miss South Carolina
What? Her platform is just as coherent and filled with “potential” as his and she looks even prettier. Isn’t that what really matters?
When I first heard that Obama won this “prestigious” award (also won by such bastions of history such as Yassar Arafat and Jimmy Carter) I was torn between utterly shocked outrage and hysterical laughter. I mean, if I was at the Nobel Prize announcement thingie, I totally would have yelled out “You Lie!” I also thought that I’d see a breaking news announcement saying: JUST IN from Oslo: Ted Kennedy’s family demands a recount.
Then I worried that Obama would be all gloat-y on TV and I’m so tired of the putrid stench of Smug ™ that emanates off my TV each time he appears. However, turns out his acceptance speech was HE-Larious. Obama explained it all .. The Prize isn’t for accomplishments; it is really “a call to action” and he’ll totally accept it! In fact, it should be renamed the Nobel Super-Awesomeness Prize. So, now I’m kind of digging this, as the joke are plentiful and it is really embarrassing for Obama, especially on top of his abysmal failure with the Olympics. Although, I was rather disappointed that no one reported Joe Biden’s remarks when he heard the news. “Sources” tell me Joe Biden’s response to Obama winning was: “Knew you’d win it, Big Guy! You’re so clean and articulate – God Love ya!”
Now, I’m just waiting for CNN to fact check the Nobel Peace Prize committee. I’m setting my DVR because their in-depth investigation of Saturday Night Live’s ONE slightly-negative Obama skit was absolutely captivating! Plus, this now means that everyone is special, yes? Even without actually doing anything. This is awesome; I’m totally going to win Nobel Prize in Literature for my Bloggitys. Don’t worry, I’m humble; I will take it as Call To Action! I also intend on my kid going to College. Diploma now please, Harvard. No need to wait ’til she actually achieves anything. In fact, here is a list of reasons why I should receive a Nobel Peace Prize and various other awards based solely on my good intentions.
I intend on getting job, being super awesome at it. (without actually *doing* it though). Kindly promote me to CEO now and send huge bonus check forthwith.
Just did science experiment with the kid.Taught her about solid, liquid and gas. I smell a Nobel Prize in Chemistry!
I totally suck at singing, but feel I have “potential” and just need a “call to action”. Grammy, please. Thanks!
Going to walk inside Dunkin’ Donuts today instead of wastefully idling at the drive-through. Nobel Peace Prize, please!
Wait a second, that doesn’t sound right, does it? Maybe I don’t think the Nobel Prize should be awarded to someone without tangible achievements. Probably because I must be a RACIST ™. And a Philistine. I’m not as enlightened as those European folks. See, I think the people who have been imprisoned and put their own lives at risk, literally, for actual and real human rights activism are far more deserving, but then I suppose they haven’t hung out on Dave Letterman’s couch nor stopped the needless (and non-existent!) reaping of Tonsils by nefarious doctors! Nor did they host a super cool Beer Summit like President Obama (compelled into hosting due solely to his own asshattery and the “fix” only served to multiply said asshattery and buffonery)
Oh yeah, they also don’t wish to reach out with “unclenched fist” to the Taliban in Afghanistan and “give them a role because they aren’t really the enemy”. In fact, one of the other nominees Sima Simar is a woman’s rights activist there:
With dogged persistence and at great personal risk, she kept her schools and clinics open in Afghanistan even during the most repressive days of the Taliban regime, whose laws prohibited the education of girls past the age of eight. When the Taliban fell, Samar returned to Kabul and accepted the post of Minister for Women’s Affairs.”
But passing out lab coats to Doctors at a staged event in the Rose Garden while sneering at fellow citizens is cool too. And I suppose it’s “peaceful” to Vote Present regarding the need for troop increases while our servicemen and women sacrificing their lives in two WARS.
We shouldn’t be surprised. Obama’s entire Presidency is based on nothing tangible. He has no *actual* achievements besides having the audacity to write a memoir in his mid-30s. Which, it turns out, he didn’t even write himself. THAT is what Obama is truly teaching the children, never mind the ridiculous “mm mm mm” songs. They are learning that everyone is “special”, which, for all intents and purposes, means that no one and nothing really is. Everyone gets awards and ribbons for “trying”. They don’t even KEEP SCORE in soccer games any longer. If no one can ever fail, how can anyone actually ever succeed? Mere wishful thinking now takes precedence over *actual* achievements and accomplishments. Truly courageous and meaningful ones, to boot.
We are in big trouble if that doesn’t change swiftly. I’m afraid for my daughter’s generation. They are going to ALL be “Obamas”, told that they are special and super awesome no matter what they do (or don’t do). They don’t have to work for nor earn anything themselves. The “I can haz cookie now” generation.
Frankly, I’d rather have Miss South Carolina. At least she understands loss and failure.