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David Letterman: Stupid Petting Tricks Exposed

October 2, 2009

Wait a minute… The extortion attempt was a few weeks ago? Letterman, and all of Hollywood, should demand that the Extortion dude be released.  I mean, it happened so long ago, let it go, right Peggy Yorkin? And, more importantly, he typed some really “artistic” demand letters.

It turns out David Letterman is not just a huge tool, but also a huge cheater. So, Dave, how do you like Schadenfreude now? Hee- HEEEE!  I’m curious to know if he did one specific thing with the women he sexually harassed –  pre-emptive Whoopi explanation: when someone serially has sex with women with whom they work, as subordinates to him, he is a chronic sexual harasser. A Harasser-Harasser – I want to know if he took them to Yankee games. That would be some DE-licious irony.

Letterman goes on to say that “things would be embarrassing for the women as well.”  At first, I thought, “Obviously. The fact that they had sex with DAVID LETTERMAN is totally humiliating. The Shame!” However, it turns out it is far more demeaning than that, which I found out through a tip from an “unnamed source.”  This was not a case of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy unfurling its tentacles to reach even bitter, irrelevant hacks.  No, it is far more disturbing. Here are the icky details:

The women thought they were simply trying to advance their careers and instead were turned into pawns in Letterman’s sick fetish fantasies.  You know his constant and obsessive bashing of Sarah Palin? Well, his mentality is at about the same age-level as his humor; it was a case of the ol’ being a meany pants to the girl you really like-like.

The source reports that Letterman had a stash of Palin wigs and librarian glasses at his home,  which the women had to don whilst applying lipstick and saying “Who’s your Hockey Mamma?!?”   Then he would pop a DVD of Palin’s convention speech into the player in order to “get in the mood”.  Sex, which he called “moose hunting,” was a total No-Go without it. (One woman was quick off her feet and said “Say it Ain’t So, Joe” when the DVD stuck, which totally did the trick.)

Once down to “business”, the women were forced to repeatedly call out  “Ride that snow machine, First Dude!” to which Letterman would respond “You Betcha,” in a frenzied pitch.  The women soon learned that if they wanted things over quickly, they simply had to throw in a couple of winks to finish the job.

I felt it was my duty to report the details provided by my “unnamed source”, whose name rhymes with Ball Rafer.  If I had to suffer hearing them (in an oddly breathless way, to boot), then so shall you all. Misery loves company.

As Letterman’s women sadly learned.

(cross-posted at iOwntheworld.com)

UPDATE: Must read the always super clever Jim Treacher’s

Top Ten Reasons to Accept That Job Offer from David Letterman

Both Mark Levin and Dennis Miller read it on air today. Except for #2. Which I thought was He-Larious.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. Chrissy in Central New York permalink
    October 2, 2009 4:38 pm

    Wow. Isn’t that just so PC sensitive? It would be embarrassing for THE WOMEN HE USED and who, according to the standard definition of sexual abuse, HE ABUSED.

    A person who is in a subservient position cannot give consent for sex. If any of the people in Column A have a sexual relationship with the people in Column B, the relationship is BY DEFINITION abusive. Period.

    Column A to Column B

    Minister to Congregant.

    Therapist to Counsellee.

    Lawyer to Client.

    Teacher to Student.

    Officer to NCO.

    Parent to Child.

    Adult to Minor.

    Boss to Employee.

    Clearly, Dave doesn’t understand any of this. But why would we expect him to. Last June, he scored cheap laughs making a crude joke about a baseball player raping Sarah Palin’s 14-year-old daughter. In his pseudo “apology”, he said he hadn’t been referring to the Palin’s 14-year old but to their older daughter, the one who got knocked up by her high school boyfriend.

    Note to Dave: Sex between same age teens isn’t abuse. Rape is abuse. So is banging women in your office who are (a) Too wowed by your big name star appeal and (b) Too dependent on your approval for their careers to give consent.

    CBS News Producer Indicted in Alleged $2M Extortion Against David Letterman – October 02, 2009
    http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,559005,00.html

    • snarkandboobs permalink*
      October 2, 2009 4:41 pm

      Yup. I mean, I did a joke-y post but when I said he was a serial harasser, that is totally true. And that is abusive toward women. No wonder he had no qualms about some of his “jokes” regarding women, even young girls, recently.

  2. Reiuxcat permalink
    October 2, 2009 4:41 pm

    MEOW! Heh, another gooder.

    Unfortunately, hypocrasy is a word the left reserves for conservatives only. Dave never would have been exposed if not for the extortion attemt. And he still will not be condemned by his libutard cohorts.

  3. Bob permalink
    October 2, 2009 6:15 pm

    I’d hate to think there were other women subjected to letterman’s abuse, but something tells me there might be more of them, and hopefully this revelation will make them speak out.
    THis guy’s such a jerk, it would be cool to see him go down in flames.

  4. October 2, 2009 6:36 pm

    Dave is a mess, and will soon be over. He hasn’t been funny in 20 years.

    • snarkandboobs permalink*
      October 4, 2009 2:23 pm

      Yup. He was funny my freshman year in college, 1989. That’s about it. And it was likely more due to Chris Elliot, heh.

  5. October 2, 2009 6:37 pm

    Hey, it wasn’t Sex-sex, or BLACKMAIL blackmail. So let’s move on, heh.

  6. Mel permalink
    October 3, 2009 1:47 am

    #2 was hysterical.

    So is all this why he wouldn’t marry his baby mama?
    right away? What a filthy old man.

    And thanks for the “heh-Heeee!” I could almost hear it. LoL.

  7. Wsorrian permalink
    October 3, 2009 9:00 pm

    So this is entirely off-topic but so what.

    http://www.current-movie-reviews.com/people/2009/10/02/chicago-out-of-contention-for-2016-olympics-senator-rowland-burris-blames-bush/

    You just can’t make this stuff up.

    har har…snort…

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