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What the Heck Will Emos Do Without Their Clove Cigarettes?

September 27, 2009
Graphic courtesy of SouthParkStudios.com

Graphic courtesy of SouthParkStudios.com

Damn FDA strikes again, banning flavored cigarettes :

These flavored cigarettes are a gateway for many children and young adults to become regular smokers,” said FDA Commissioner Margaret A. Hamburg, in a news release.

Note: They are NOT banning menthol cigarettes. I suppose that would be Racist ™

Yet, they have no problem being Emo-ist. Or Goth-ist? I get Emo and Goth confused. Whatever. They’re all a bunch of kids from the suburbs who I like to point and snicker at, giggling madly at their “edgy” angst over which iPod skin they should use today.  Cut your hair. And Shaddup. Also, Get the hell off my lawn.

Still, as part of our Most Vulnerable Citizenry, I feel we should stand up for them. OK, that’s totally a lie. I just want to continue snickering at them. I also don’t want them turning solely to hair dye as a means of a cry for attention and to feel all edgy and stuff. Per se (shout out to South Park). The demand would run up the price and I needs me some dye.

I’m also afraid that there is a slippery slope involved and if they cut out yummy tasting cigarettes because they are so “gateway drug-y”, then I can only assume my sweet nectar, known as Bartles and James Margarita Coolers, will be next.  I call Sexism! (Hey, as a total W.A.S.P. I don’t have a race card, the sexist card is all I have – thankies fancy womb!)

Therefore, I propose making signs and protesting (dude, this protesting deal? Totally fun)  We can make signs that say “Stay out of my taste buds!” and “No Fizzy Girl Drinks, No Peace!

Scoff if you must, but people also scoffed at warnings of a slippery slope when smoking bans went into effect. Now, they are legislating trans-fat, soda and kids cereal. Therefore, its time to ask not what cloves can do for you, but what YOU can do for cloves!

(Cross-posted at iOwnTheWorld.com – with a better title, dammit –  “Don’t FED on Me”)

(h/t @Amy_M_Miller)

14 Comments leave one →
  1. September 27, 2009 11:11 pm

    First they came for the tweekers… and I said nothing….

    Then they came for the fatties… and I stood by and watched…

    Then they came for the spider people…

    • snarkandboobs permalink*
      September 27, 2009 11:22 pm

      Heh. You may have to make room in your personal cave For just me, I mean. I’m selfish.😀

  2. Backbackheyhey permalink
    September 27, 2009 11:24 pm

    Dammit, what are they supposed to smoke while they listen to Morrissey and cut themselves?

    • snarkandboobs permalink*
      September 27, 2009 11:26 pm

      Precisely! There is nothing like a nice clove cigarette after cutting yourself and finishing a depressing (and really bad) poem.

  3. September 27, 2009 11:28 pm

    I expect that we’ll start seeing little vials of clove oil on display next to the smokes.

    • snarkandboobs permalink*
      September 27, 2009 11:31 pm

      I’m totally crushing up all the cloves in my spice rack. I’m going to hit the high school tomorrow. #thestimulusisworking

  4. Backbackheyhey permalink
    September 27, 2009 11:31 pm

    I think the emo kids are the ones who dress like the Thompson Twins, and the Goth kids are the ones who dress like Marilyn Manson.

  5. BigFurHat permalink
    September 28, 2009 2:16 am

    Goths think Emos are gay – Emos think Goths can sprinkle a little color into their wardrobe.

  6. Reiuxcat permalink
    September 28, 2009 6:45 am

    Um, what’s an EMO? (isn’t he a comedian) Felines are already to cool to be worried about trends but I’m curious.

    Are these the same thing as Bidis? They tried to ban those about 10 years ago.

  7. Prohect permalink
    September 28, 2009 12:39 pm

    Reiuxcat Emos are the guys that ‘back in the day” (unsuspectingly) brought your lunch with them to school everyday.

  8. September 28, 2009 4:55 pm

    Reiux –

    Just shut your eyes and think of The Cure – you’re now in Emo-land.

  9. October 16, 2009 3:16 pm

    Hello from Russia!
    Can I quote a post in your blog with the link to you?

    • snarkandboobs permalink*
      October 17, 2009 2:09 am

      Of course! And thank you🙂

  10. Overkast permalink
    January 6, 2010 7:46 pm

    Check this out there attacking the freedom to smoke outside. Now I’m not a smoker but what are they suppose to do walk the streets. They are also outlawing cigar wrappers.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/05/AR2010010503811.html

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