Big Brother On Fashion (and Manners)
Jasper County Council passed an ordinance Dec. 15 banning people from wearing baggy pants, joining several local governments across the country. The county made it illegal for someone to wear pants in public more than 3 inches below the hips, “thereby exposing his or her skin or intimate clothing.”
State Sen. Robert Ford, D-Charleston, wants to outlaw saggy pants statewide. Ford prefiled a bill to ban people from wearing saggy pants, using the same 3-inch measurement. While Ford’s bill doesn’t specify penalties, he said hundreds of dollars in fines and up to 30 days in jail would be appropriate.
“The whole culture’s deviant. We have lost control of our young people. I think men should be made to look like gentlemen.”
So Jasper County, SC has joined in the tireless crusade of helping to dress The Children. At least they haven’t started demonizing thongs as well, as the oh-s0-wise politicians in Atlanta have done:
ATLANTA — Baggy pants that show boxer shorts or thongs are becoming a “major concern” throughout the United States and should be banned in Atlanta, according to a proposed amendment to the city’s indecency laws.
“I don’t want young people thinking that half-dressing is the way to go. I want them to think about their future,” the amendment’s sponsor, city councilman C. T. Martin said Wednesday……
The proposed ordinance would also bar women from showing the strap of a thong beneath their pants. They would also be prohibited from wearing jogging bras in public or show a bra strap, Seagraves said.
The proposed ordinance states that “the indecent exposure of his or her undergarments” would be unlawful in a public place. It would go in the same portion of the city code that outlaws sex in public and the exposure or fondling of genitals.“
It is for the young people! For The Children…..And their futures! Dammit, now that Whitney song is in my head….whew….I now flashed to her crack-addled diatribes on that show she had with Bobby Brown and saved myself . That was close!
Back to our Nanny-ing (it’s a word! Or should be) politicians…..We mean well, of course. And isn’t an exposed thong on par with public sex acts and genital fondling? Obviously so, if you are a sad, pathetic, lonely, not-getting-any politician.
Thank goodness! What on Earth would we do without other people telling us how to live EVERY aspect of our lives? I know that I am far too stupid and scatter-brained to dress myself AND my child in the morning and I, for one, am so relieved that our politicians have solved all the more pressing problems and can now focus on helping me dress.
Though, I do have a couple of suggestions. Uh, what about muffin tops? And Camel toes? I find them far more disturbing than male butt crack (unless it is flabby and hairy) or bra straps. Bra straps can be quite sexy even! As can the right buttocks (Example: Gary Sinise…Only assuming, of course, but I think it is a safe bet)
As for the thongs…….again, they can be sexy on the right canvas so to speak (canvass? groan) Perhaps only a maximum weight requirement on that one? At a certain point, they do turn from sexy to WAY too much information. Meow.
On second thought, leave my thongs alone. I’ll just have to risk the dangerous and complicated task of dressing on my own. I’ve seen how all y’all politicians dress and I think I’d rather take my chances on my own accord.
So, to combat this latest attempted infringement on personal liberty, I suggest buying a thong** and wearing it proudly! Or at least, in the name of solidarity, let your underpants peek out a little once in a while when you are bending over to pick up something your kid dropped on the floor. Or something. Because next they might try to take away my super cute wedgie shoes (too dangerous!), my short skirts or *gasp* my bikinis and that just won’t do.
(** Note: this of course excludes the Barack Obama BO thongs. Y’all know how much I dislike those).