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Tip for Republicans in 2010: Get Out The Vote……..With Strippers!

November 24, 2008

Excuse me……..Dancers. More specifically, Dancers for Democracy. I read about this GENIUS idea during the primaries this year and thought that Senator Christoper Dodd should have considered the idea, if only to lift himself out of single digits…single DIGIT, really….I think he left the race at ONE percentage point (snicker)….. thus saving himself some embarrassment. He did not respond to my repeated suggestions, sadly. It is understandable, though…..apparently he was far too busy blowing Mortgage Company execs for sweetheart deals. Oh, and feckering up the ENTIRE ECONOMY with his Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac stuff. (OK, I know SOME of it isn’t due solely to the “mortgage crisis”, but the rest of it is far too Economics-y and complicated for me).

Well, regardless of Senator Dodd’s obvious disdain for my idea, I do believe that the Republicans should take a good look at this for 2010. I’ve been wracking my brain….a painful exercise….trying to figure out ways that we Republicans can take back some control in 2010, at least, and this was the best I could do. I figure that it certainly can’t hurt, as there is little chance they can become LESS popular than they already are

COLUMBUS — Strip club dancers covered Capitol Square today, gathering voter signatures to repeal a new state ban on touching patrons.

Dressed in pink tops, dark slacks and high heels, the dancers even snagged support from two state senators who voted for the new restrictions, including no nude or semi-nude dancing after midnight, last spring: Sen. Eric Kearney, D-North Avondale, and Sen. Steve Stivers, R-Upper Arlington.

On behalf of the ladies, I will say that I believe that particular law to be more than ridiculous and just the latest front of the War on Strippers. Leave them alone already; they are just trying to pay their way through College, for goodness sake! Plus, it gets husbands out of the damn house once in a while. A win-win situation for everyone, really. Not to mention that whole pesky idea of CONSENTING adults and victimless crimes and all. The Bill also, for some odd reason which my mind can’t seem to fathom, limits nude or semi-nude dancing after midnight. Why? Is nudity somehow worse after midnight? I’ve always found that burning the midnight oil is quite conducive to nudity. Just ask my neighbors…..Sadly, true. Long story……I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you …..To protect my reputation and all.

(Isn’t it cute how I still think I have a reputation to protect? Delusions are fun!)

“I’ll have to go and see my constituents,” Kearney joked when he learned two dancers were from the Deja Vu Showgirls strip club in Mount Carmel.

OK, I have to give the Democrats credit where credit is due. They are far less stuffy and stiff. Except where it counts, apparently.

Pamela Ackerman, 24, of Cincinnati and Jennifer Shafer, 22, of Boone County, Ky., were working Third and State streets, easily averaging a signature per minute.

Both dancers, who are paying their way through community college, said the new restrictions were hurt them financially.

(Uh, maybe the journalist who wrote this article should consider a trip back to college. Or some private tutoring from the girls. Wait, maybe that is the problem. Less private tutoring perhaps)

Dancers for Democracy has collected more than 200,000 signatures, according to their spokeswoman, Sandy Theis, and is now averaging 5,000 daily.

Strippers told potential signers that the new state regulations are so extreme “if you touch a stripper, even on the elbow, you and the stripper could go to jail for 30 days.”
Many state workers and others were walking up to sign the petitions – no questions asked.

“Look at this,” Theis smiled. “We don’t even have to do our pitch.

No disrespect meant, of course, Miss Theis, but……..Duh. Every woman knows that a tight shirt and a large rack equals the ability to slip anything under a man’s nose and he’ll sign it. Albeit a tad illegibly, as his eyes won’t make it as far as the paper.

So, Republicans….get on board with the Stripper thing. These girls know how to pound the pavement, they embody the spirit of Free Enterprise and they look super cute in tight t-shirts whilst holding clipboards. I bet some would even put their hair up in a bun for that whole sexy librarian look. You CANNOT go wrong with that look. Believe me; it works like a charm! Plus, it should go a long way in helping to tamp down the idea that all Republicans are old white men who either need Viagra ……if they can ever remember what to do with it…. or who have “wide stances”.

As for the girls themselves? Kudos, Dancers for Democracy! I, for one, wish you well! And I’m sure many men are pulling for you as well.

Often.

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