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Tits and Grass

July 30, 2008

There is a fledgling career enterprise, involving bikini-clad women mowing lawns, and I can’t quite make up my mind about it. Is it pure genius? Or setting back my anti-feminist movement for years?

“The women of Tiger Time Lawn Care offer to mow customers’ lawns dressed in bikinis – a service that attracts more attention to the ladies than the lawns.

“Oh yeah, they honk and yell. They can do everything you can imagine,” said employee Blair Beckman, 21. Beckman said the extra attention is expected, but she looks on the bright side. “You get the attention but you also get a tan, which I need,” Beckman said.

Owner Lee Cathey said the bikini service makes mowing the lawn a lot more interesting, although the fee is slightly higher. “The yards definitely get more attention when there’s a bikini on the lawn,” Cathey said. Some customers sit in lawn chairs and have a beer while watching, he said.

Cathey said there hasn’t been any interest in a male version of the bikini lawn cut.”

I’m so conflicted. On the one hand, no, no, no! And No again. That’s Men’s work! What self respecting woman would mow a lawn? Gross! Sweaty (and not in a good way) and dirty and machine-y! I refuse, absolutely REFUSE, to even learn how to turn one on. I have my principles and all; I am a staunch Anti-Feminist. Seriously, mowing the lawn is almost as bad as changing your own car tire. Which is utterly unheard of in my mind. Far easier, and more womanly to use your wiles. Work up a good fake cry, pout prettily and watch while a man does the job. Who needs ya, Gloria Steinem? Not I and that is for damn certain. Women need Feminists like fish need bicycles, I always say.

On the other hand, the tan part IS a huge bonus. As is the attention part (I add, pathetically). Not to mention the absolute and total objectification of women, which should serve to provide GREAT strides for the anti-feminism movement (which I plan to spear head. Once my daughter is in school and I can, thus, devote my full time to the Cause).

I must mull on this one a bit. But I am swiftly leaning towards evil genius.

However, I do find it quite sad that there is no interest in a bikini-clad male service. Well, I admit that I partially understand it because NO man looks good in a Speedo. I repeat, for all you men out there suffering from delusions…..NO man. However, I would hire, say, Bill Schulz, to mow my lawn shirtless and in swim trunks. Yum! (I say whilst simpering and blushing so as to appear lady-like and proper. And feminine. As opposed to the wretched and dreaded Feminist)

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