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Never Mind Brittany; Help Jenna Jameson

August 24, 2007

She is clearly crying out for help. Actually, more like bellowing.

I’ve long lived my life by the tenet WWJD (What Would Jenna Do), but have recently realized that may no longer be such a smart idea.

First, the vaginoplasty. Correction……..botched Vaginoplasty. Ew.

Washington, Mar 31 (ANI): Porn star Jenna Jameson is reportedly so annoyed with the results of her vaginoplasty that she has refused to speak to anyone, and in turn has almost jeopardised her best-selling book, “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star’s, ” chances of being made into a movie.

“She underwent a vaginoplasty at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy. She has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody. The producers are about to pull the plug on the movie,” ” the source added.”

Oh, Baaaad choice of words, Source.

Second, the hilarious coming out backing of Hillary Clinton:

PR.com: “Who’s your favorite Democratic front runner for 2008? Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or John Edwards?” Jenna Jameson: “I love Hillary. I think that in some ways she’s pretty conservative for a Democrat, but I would love to have a woman in office. I think that it would be a step in the right direction for our country, and there would be less focus on war and more focus on bettering society.”

PR.com: “Do you find that the climate of the adult industry changes when there is a Republican administration versus Democratic?”

Jenna Jameson: “Absolutely. The Clinton administration was the best years for the adult industry and I wish that Clinton would run again. I would love to have him back in office. I would love to have Al Gore in office. When Republicans are in office, the problem is, a lot of times they try to put their cross hairs on the adult industry, to make a point.”

“It’s sad, when there are so many different things that are going on in the world: war, and people are dying of genocide…I look forward to another Democrat being in office. It just makes the climate so much better for us, and I know that once all our troops come home, things are going to be better and I think that getting Bush out of office is the most important thing right now.

Tee heeing at the obvious fact that President Clinton was good for the porn industry. The revenue from all the Monica/cigar / Oral Office movies alone must have been staggering. And I’m so glad the pesky Wars and genocide go by the wayside and are no longer such a nuisance once a Dem is in office, making the climate much better for the porn industry. That IS what matters most (she says sarcastically. Although, I’ve long said that MORE porn is needed, preferably air-dropped into the Middle East. It will, I guarantee, get them out of caves plotting terror. Plus, it will help the poor, sexually harassed livestock).

But, if she wants bush out of the office, then why is she backing Hillary? (groan). Oh wait….never mind. Safe to assume Hillary is bush-less. Meow AND groan. That was bitchy, even for me. Apologies! (but not apologetic enough to edit myself)

Now, the final straw, she’s just had her implants removed.

LOS ANGELES — Porn princess Jenna Jameson has officially retired from starring in XXX movies, and to mark the transition she’s had her famous breast implants removed.

“When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach,” she told Us Weekly. “Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter … before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!”

Jenna added that she was so “ecstatic” after the surgery that she “went home and cried.”

As are a multitude of men (and some women) crying tonight, Jenna. Oh, the sorrow you’ve wrought! It is very clearly, however, a pathetic and sad cry for help. I’m there for you, Jenna. I’m off to file the appropriate papers for a new Save Jenna campaign. I need to work on a name first, though. I’m open to suggestions.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Scott permalink
    August 24, 2007 2:45 pm

    holed up – bwaaahaaaa! I’m sure he knew what he was doing when he wrote that. Why would anyone even get that surgery, especially if you are retiring from the industry? I don’t get it. And kudos on the deflations, natural are better than enhanced. Maybe I’m just strange, but that is how I feel. Or would like to feel, if only she would let me.

  2. Lori_Z permalink
    August 26, 2007 7:09 am

    Yeah, but what if her au natural breasts are bee stings? Enhancement is warranted then.

    Plus, a girl’s gotta work. She may be retired from actual porn, but she can still cash in on the mold/cast business. Since a vagina mold is out (botched vaginoplasty resulting in frankenpuss and all), that only leaves breast molds.

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