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Much Ado About Nothing

July 13, 2007

Pathetically, I must admit that I was waiting with voyeuristic bated breath for the release of the infamous “blackmail” photos of Miss New Jersey. Partly because I need a life, partly because I was born and raised in New Jersey, but mostly because New Jersey has a slutty pageant reputation and all. Miss New Jersey USA, for instance, was booted this year for getting knocked up. Out of wedlock, no less! The horror!

Sadly, what a huge let-down these “risque” photos were. They were so not scandalous and, frankly, boring. They weren’t even up to real New Jersey trashy standards! I’ve more revealing photos on Kevin Godlington’s Charitable Demon website, for goodness sake.

(CBS/AP) NEW YORK Miss New Jersey will be able to keep her crown despite photos she admits show her acting “not in a ladylike manner,” pageant officials said Thursday.

Hours after a nervous Amy Polumbo went public with photos of herself that had been sent anonymously to pageant officials, board members decided the pictures did not merit stripping her of her title.

Polumbo’s lawyer, Anthony Caruso, said that a person or persons claiming to be The Committee to Save Miss America threatened to make the photos public unless she resigned her title.

“Nothing you post on the Internet is private,” she said. “You have to be careful because there are people out there who will ruin your reputation.”

Her pageant cause was protecting children from Internet predators.

The pictures include one showing what Polumbo said was her boyfriend apparently biting her breast through her shirt, another of Polumbo in a limousine wearing jeans with her legs spread in the air and another of her in what appears to be a Halloween costume dress holding two small pumpkins up to her breasts.

Uh, no offense meant Miss Polumbo (I do like that the pageants don’t insist on “Ms.”), but you are JUST learning that the Internet isn’t private? Common sense isn’t your strong suit, huh? Not part of your talent? Irony must be, though……your “cause” is protecting children from Internet predators. Again, uh, didn’t the fact that there are Internet predators tip you off to the Internet NOT BEING PRIVATE? (Yelling, as that is how I talk to people who are dense. I tend to confuse deaf and dumb).

Well, at the least, perhaps you’ll score some pity and/or publicity points with the Judges at the pageant. I fear you’ll need something; the fact that your breasts are entirely covered by teeny tiny pumpkins does not bode well for your chances. That (or those. Or the lack of those), and the fact that you are from New Jersey. (I can say that as I am a Joisey Girl, originally. If you are not from Joisey, don’t attempt to mock us. We’ll whack ya. Hello? Sopranos?)

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