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Great, Now I Do Have to Get a Damn Prius Hybrid

June 23, 2007

From the cacophonous sound of Al Gore’s hugely inflated ego (and head) plunging into the depths below, it appears as if the Global Warming swindle has just had what could be the final nail hammered into its waiting coffin.

“Ours is one of the highest-quality climate records available anywhere today, and in it we see obvious confirmation that natural climate change can be dramatic. For example, in the middle of a 62-year slice of the record at about 4,400 years ago, there was a shift in climate in only a couple of seasons from warm, dry, and sunny conditions to one that was mostly cold and rainy for several decades.”

In a series of groundbreaking scientific papers starting in 2002, Veizer, Shaviv, Carslaw, and most recently Svensmark et al., have collectively demonstrated that as the output of the sun varies, and with it our star’s protective solar wind, varying amounts of galactic cosmic rays from deep space are able to enter our solar system and penetrate the earth’s atmosphere. These cosmic rays enhance cloud formation which, overall, has a cooling effect on the planet.”

“Solar scientists predict that, by 2020, the sun will be starting into its weakest Schwabe solar cycle of the past two centuries, likely leading to unusually cool conditions on earth. Beginning to plan for adaptation to such a cool period, one which may continue well beyond one 11-year cycle, as did the little ice age, should be a priority for governments. It is global cooling, not warming, that is the major climate threat to the world, especially Canada.”

“Solar activity has overpowered any effect that CO2 has had before, and it most likely will again,” the article avers. “In fact, we should be more afraid of a cooling trend because of a solar minimum that will peak in 2030 that could be fairly large. As we saw from a minor solar minimum in the mid 1900s, the earth suddenly started to cool. If we were to have even a medium sized solar minimum, we could be looking at a lot more bad effects than ‘global warming’ would have had.”

Do y’all know what this means? I’ll explain my theory if I can type while gasping in evil, cackling fits of laughter. OK – – We’ve been told ad nauseum for YEARS that carbon emissions and greenhouse gases cause horrific, apocalyptic warming. And if cooling, not warming, is now on the way, we will need to increase the heat, no? So, carbon emissions must be GOOD now, right?

Thus, I assume that the Goreacle and his disciples will now wish to burn trees, not plant them. Sheryl Crow will have to retract her one square of toilet paper proposal and will now lecture us on the proper wiping procedure being a full roll each time. Laurie David will slink away from her eco-bus tour with Sheryl and will go crawling back to Larry with her tail between her legs. SUV drivers in Hollywood, along with all the poseurs who followed suit, will now be able to come out of the closet with no guilt and no more ” but….but…….I bought some carbon offsets” indulgences.

Which means that I, as I must be contradictory and do whatever Environmentalists tell me NOT to do, will be forced to drive a pissant Prius like that loser wannabe Leonardo DiCaprio. I’ll have to take my next vacation at his awful “eco-hotel” as well so I can continue my trend of being “part of the problem and not the solution”. Damn, I’ll also have to learn to garden so I can plant some trees and contribute as best I can (why do something half-assed?) to this ominous global cooling problem.

Or not. Maybe I’ll just continue doing as I please and further ignore the bilge spewing from the mouths of the Hollywood elites. On the plus side, perhaps our genius Congress will now toss out the horrendous Energy Bill they just passed and we won’t all be forced into wimpy ass, corn-powered cars. Or whatever the hell ethanol is made from.

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