Skip to content

A Tale of Two Drunks. And Gay Flamingos!

May 22, 2007


The big news of the day seems to be the Immigration/Amnesty proposed Bill, but the bases are being covered there. And covered. To the point where, frankly, I’m tired of reading and thinking about it for now. It is making my head hurt. And my BFF neighbor man isn’t around to pat it and tell me not to worry my purty lil head. Incidentally, I, sadly, am either so self-involved or so suffering from early onset dementia, that I do not remember his actual name. I’ve taken to simply calling him “My Hero” after the snake incident, which he seems to enjoy. His wife, not so much.

So I decided to peruse the “odd” news section of the news sites today and came across some rather interesting stories. Well, interesting to me. Baffling, depressing and funny all at the same time.

The Family Court Judge heeded the “Don’t Hassle the Hoff” call and gave Hoff custody of his children. His drunken, hunk o’ burger eating behaviour was BETTER than his ex-wife’s. Allegedly. Come on…….look at the picture. I don’t even want to imagine what could possibly make someone else a worse parent. Not to mention the fact that he’s been hospitalized for alcohol poisoning 13 times. Although that does speak to his fortitude and he does get self-deprecation points for answering, when asked what he regrets most about the drunken video, “I just wish I’d used a knife and fork to eat that damn burger.”

The next tidbit I read was a tale of a man shot in the head…….the odd part? He slept through it. The officer called to the scene, after the man finally awoke and noticed the blood….. Oh yeah, and the gaping hole in his head, had this to say “ “We’re just glad he didn’t suffer any life-threatening injuries with a head wound”. Which wasn’t a very nice thing to say. A tad insulting, really. But perhaps helps to explain how someone could get shot in the head and not notice. If there isn’t much up there to begin with, it makes more sense. The other possible explanation can be found in the next sentence in the article. “Lusher came home from a night on the town about an hour before he was shot while lying in bed, McQuaid said.”

I am not making that up. His name is LUSHer. Apropos, no? And is “night on the town” code word for becoming falling down piss drunk, somehow finding your way to and stumbling into your bed and blacking out in a liver screeching stupor?

Next up……..Gay flamingos can adopt, but gay humans can’t? Something askew, no? Every gay couple I know who adopted were like these flamingos. They really, really wanted a child. Thought about and agonized over it for a long time and then went through years of hoping and waiting and building their nests. Not like a lot of us straight people who end up having a baby because the condom broke or we overindulged and whoops! Plus, the gay couples I know willingly and gladly adopt the children who fall through the cracks otherwise. At the risk of using an immigration debate cliche and, thus, reminding myself of said debate, they lovingly adopt the children no one else wants (head. hurting. again.) End sermon.

Not to mention, they can help their sons dress better and men, let me tell you, you are in desperate need of such guidance. As for daughters, they can train them in the fine art of being bitchy/catty.

A win/win situation for everyone, truly.

No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: