A Guide to Dressing Like Grown-ups for Progressives. Step 1: Dress with Obama’s HEAD on it not appropriate for Emmys
picture courtesy of tmz
No, no, no! It is not “cool” nor “hip” nor “edgy” to wear Truth to Power-y fashion items with peoples heads on them if you are The Man ™ now. I discussed this with y’all in January, but apparently you weren’t listening. Thus, I will repeat myself. This time, I’ll try to speak slower and use little words.
Broheims and Broheim-ettes: the fashion sense being portrayed in your frenzied, all-encompassing, Mass Marketing & Merchandising of President Obama is in dire straights. I understand; it is very hard to see clearly through a euphoric haze, especially when the euphoria is Utopian in nature and based on nebulous feelings and rhetoric and not on anything rational or realistic. Made worse by the fact that it is awfully apparent that the new The Man ™ has no clue regarding how to actually govern. So, now it’s unfounded euphoria with a healthy dose of “Rut Roh”. Luckily, vanity and shallow things are my forte and I’m here to help! In the spirit of Unity and Working Together and all.
I know this is difficult, after years and years of petulantly childish and outright bratty behavior, but y’all have to be grown-ups now that your guy is POTUS (that is President of the United States and not a drug reference..you need to learn that now too)
You see, the World is watching — and y’all want the World to “like us” again, don’t you? Well, how will that happen when you are all running around wearing dresses and flip-flops with the President’s head on them? And sporting Obama condoms? Please, there is no need to publicly announce via your footwear and dress wear that the President is merely a Cult of Personality; he’s sadly making that quite apparent all on his own.
I’m also rather tired of seeing Obama’s head every where I turn because it’s super creepy. Secondly, I’m sick of him already. Thirdly, it is super humiliating and I’m embarrassed for everyone. President bobble heads on flip flops and dresses festooned with his HEAD as evening wear? For Realsies? I can’t believe we have sunk so low that it is now “cool” to have a President that is more of a pop culture icon than an actual Leader. History is going to totally point snicker at us. Well, at y’all.
And ladies (that is the grown-up way to say Womyn) – the Barack Obama thongs? Oh, no no no! You need to start wearing briefs, first of all, to cover up your no longer trendy tramp stamps.
Firstly, the thongs:
I covered the fashion faux pas aspect above, but you also might not want to advertise the fact that you have BO in “that area”. Even hippie men have a slight problem with that. And how will you be able to prattle on endlessly about sex education in schools and “not being punished by babies” and stuff if you don’t even have sex? Teach what you know!
The condoms..not really Fashion, per se…..but can be fashion accessories. Especially if sporting one in a pretty color:
Um, really poor word choices there. A condom-laden penis is *so* not a stimulus package. Sadly, it is almost the antithesis of one and a total contradiction in terms. Also, stimulus packages always follow the law of diminishing returns (that’s a grown-up economic theory; y’all might want to study up on that as well) which is the last thing I want to think about in any situation whereby a condom becomes an accessory.
The Flip Flops: President Obama is the Leader of the Free World now. As such, do you really think puttering around with his head on your feet is appropriate? Say what you want about President George Bush, but at least his image was used for really cool, butchy things like being burned in effigy…because people, specifically people who want to kill us, were afraid of him, as it should be… they didn’t have a puppy love crush on him. I’d far prefer to have my President dodge shoes being flung at his head, then have his head be ON shoes. Plus, flip flops are not dress shoes. Stop wearing them everywhere! (though, if all you own is flip flops or Crocs, the flip flops are far preferable)
In addition, flip flops bring to mind John Kerry, which is just cruel. No one needs to be reminded of him, really….even the most Liberal amongst you must secretly realize that in your heart of hearts. It also reminds us of President Obama’s own tendency to flip flop in the metaphorical sense and, believe me, we aren’t going to need to be reminded of that. He is showing us that himself often enough. By the way, fair warning for y’all; the law of diminishing returns applies to politicians as well. Prepare yourselves!
So, do yourselves a favor and class it up a bit. Come on, isn’t this allegedly “Your Moment, Your Time”? Do you really want to be in bobble-head type flip flops and thongs for it?