Help Me "Create or Save" More Snark
If you find me mildly entertaining, I totally wouldn't mind if you Stimulate Me, please!
Minds out of the gutter! Not THAT way. The Stimulus Package way. Oh .. that sounds just as bad. Oh, well. Dear Santa: I've been nice (and naughty-ish, but only in the good, fun way). Thankies!
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Also, I am finding that my procrastination problem makes me a bit sloth-y in doing the cross-posting of my posts at iowntheworld.com to here. I'd blame Global Warming, but that's totally fake and a huge hoax.
So, when I'm behind on doing so, you can always go to the following link to see a feed of all my latest posts, if interested:
Know anyone who is self-righteous, a total hypocrite and has no life? Now there is an app made just for them !
Listen up, all you eco-warriors: Your days of griping in vain about neighborhood energy waste may be coming to an end. Finally, there’s a tool that we normal folks can use to report environmentally negligent behavior. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to EcoSnoop.
The EcoSnoop app lets individuals report on wastage of water, energy, trash or toxic pollutants. You can view cases filed near you via GPS and add documentation using photos and commentary. You can create your own complaints if, for example, your grocery store is leaving the parking lot lights on during the day or your neighbor is dumping oil down the drain.
They are right about one thing: the days of “griping in vain about energy waste” might really be at an end — because global warming is a huge hoax! But, Eco-warriors? More like Eco-Whiners. I picture them sitting all full of Smug ™ in their parents houses, (lord forbid they actually work and take care of themselves) whining about things like how they need, nay, deserve, free health care. All while they type away on their state of the art Mac computers, chatting on their super expensive iPhones and anxiously worrying about their largest problem: whether to put their iPod on normal play or shuffle.
Listen, busy-body buttinskies, scientists played a massive hoax on us all with their global warming scam. Likely as retribution for being shoved in lockers, atomic wedgies and all that pointing and laughing. This affects ME now, however, as your snooping is not just annoying, but has the potential of catching me in compromising positions.
Admit it, eco-tools. The truth is that you are trying to compensate and pay-back for the fact that we non-tools collapsed with laughter when you asked us to the prom, and then told all our friends and giggled like a pack of hyenas every time you scurried by. The truth hurts, but must be told: feigning concern for “issues” done solely in a quest to get laid, will not result in actually, you know, getting any.
You see, this is exactly how we weed you out. It is all part of our Vast “Climate Change Denier” Wing Conspiracy of evolutionary cleansing.
Also? Get the hell off my lawn — and my porch light!
(originally / cross-posted at iowntheworld.com)
Compounding Janet Napolitano’s idiocy, Robert Gibbs today tried to pass the blame off on “guess who” once again? That’s right, George Bush. Gibbs, apparently never missing an opportunity to look like a defensive, childish wreck, said “We have to review security procedures that are, as you know, severalyears old.“ Totally Bush’s fault! As if security procedures under George Bush allowed for someone on a watch list, with a bomb in his undies, to get on a flight.
You know what might help? If high profile Democrats don’t feel as if they are entitled to disdain the rules themselves, making it harder for TSA and flight attendants to, you know, do their jobs. Senator Chuck Schumer not only feels an overbearing sense of entitlement, but he goes so far as to berate others for doing their job. Of course, he doesn’t really know what an actual job is.
Schumer and his seatmate, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.), were chatting on their phones before takeoff when an announcement indicated that it was time to turn off the phones. Both senators kept talking. According to the GOP aide, a flight attendant then approached Schumer and told him the entire plane was waiting on him to shut down his phone.
Schumer asked if he could finish his conversation. When the flight attendant said “no,” Schumer ended his call but continued to argue his case. He said he was entitled to keep his phone on until the cabin door was closed. The flight attendant said he was obliged to turn it off whenever a flight attendant asked.
“He argued with her about the rule,” the source said. “She said she doesn’t make the rules, she just follows them.” When the flight attendant walked away, the witness says Schumer turned to Gillibrand and uttered the B-word.
Aren’t they supposed to be concerned with upholding the rules, put in place to protect us from risk, and not flouting them?
Useful idiots, indeed.
(originally / cross-posted at iowntheworld.com)
Today, when discussing the failed terror attack on the Northwest flight from Amsterdam, Janet Napolitano said “The system worked. Everything worked according to clockwork”. Um, perhaps she meant like a clockwork orange? That’s the only plausible explanation.
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said Sunday that the thwarting of the attempt to blow up an Amsterdam-Detroit airline flight Christmas Day demonstrated that “the system worked.”
Asked by CNN’s Candy Crowley on “State of the Union” how that could be possible when the young Nigerian who has been charged with trying to set off the bomb was able to smuggle explosive liquid onto the jet, Napolitano responded: “We’re asking the same questions.”
Napolitano added that there was “no suggestion that [the suspect] was improperly screened.”
Hello, Janet? He was on a watch list — and still got on a plane. WITH A BOMB in his pants. Talk about a suspicious “package” – literally. Pretty sure that means that there was “improper screening”. How on earth did “the system work”? Unless, of course, you mean the original intent of our free Republic, in which case, you are correct. Correct because, once again, private citizens succeeded where government bureaucracy failed. As always.
Proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is, in fact, a useless bint, Napolitano went on to say this:
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said Sunday there was no indication so far that an alleged botched terror attack on a U.S. airliner was part of a broad international effort.
“Right now we have no indication that it is part of anything larger,” Napolitano told CNN’s “State of the Union” program.
Oh, really? You have no indication? Luckily, bloggers and the new media are once again doing the job that the government doesn’t want to do and uncovering the truth:
ABC: “Investigators believe Abdulmutallab was connected to al Qaeda by the same radical imam, American-born Anwar Awlaki, who is linked to the American Army major accused of opening fire at Fort Hood in November.”
Of course, that must just be nitpicking by the nutty nut Right Wing Radical Extremists that you warned us about, huh, Janet? This pesky little bomb was just an itsty bitsy attempted man-made disaster, right? So insignificant that the President can’t take time away from golfing and body-surfing in Hawaii. The system worked — move along, nothing to see here! What’s next? Sure, unemployment is at 10% and rising, but we call it FUNemployment now so “the system” is totally working!
I await further spin, which I suspect will entail such things as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder via osmosis (that happens now, you know. Just ask the Fort Hood terrorist apologists). Chris Matthews will surely once again assure us that “it isn’t a crime to call Al-Quada” whilst tingling madly. The sycophantic douchebaggery will reach epic proportions, all to cover for The One as he lounges on the beach or strolls the promenade in Mom jeans.
Well, guess what? This wasn’t a “foiled attempt.” Y’all foiled nothing – it was a failed attack. There is a big difference and the fact that the Administration is either too stupid or too blind to see it is incredibly infuriating and frightening. The terrorist, thankfully, made a faulty device. Perhaps he was distracted and trying to figure out how he could detonate a bomb in his tighty whities and blow up his naughty man bits, yet somehow manage to not take the bang (heh) out of that whole 72 virgins deal? Whatever the reason, he, thank goodness, failed. Private citizens then made sure that any damage at all was further mitigated and they took him down. On their own. Where was the government and our homeland security? Busily bowing, apologizing to those who wish to kill us, and frantically avoiding perceived “profiling” out of the insane fear of looking non-politically correct.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Political correctness is no longer just annoying. It’s deadly.
(originally / cross-posted at iowntheworld.com)
Charlie Sheen, one of the dumbassiest of Hollywood dumbasses (and THAT is saying something) even gets Christmas Day and Boxing Day confused!
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Actor Charlie Sheen, star of the hit sitcom “Two and a Half Men,” has been released from jail in the Colorado ski resort city of Aspen after his Christmas Day arrest on domestic violence charges, police said.
Sheen, 44, was booked on felony charges of second-degree assault and menacing, and a misdemeanor charge of criminal mischief, all of which were “coupled with a domestic violence component,” the Aspen Police Department said.
He was released on Friday evening after posting an $8,500 bond, and faces a court hearing on February 8. Police declined additional comment, saying a news release would be issued on Monday with any new details.
Police did not identify the person whom Sheen was accused of assaulting. But various websites have said Sheen shoved his third wife, Brooke Mueller, during a heated quarrel. TMZ reported that Mueller had been drinking heavily when she dialed 911 about 8:30 a.m. MST (10:30 a.m. EST), and subsequently recanted her allegations against Sheen.
She was totally asking for it I bet, huh, Charlie? I suspect she tried to tell Sheen that fire can melt steel ! That or, you know, he’s not only completely cuckoo pants, but also an utter asshat.
Not very PC of you, Hewlett Packard! The race card was totally over-used and is no longer accepted by most. Now, onto racist computer video cards! Perhaps they should make this the software slogan: “Sixth Tracking Sense: I can’t see black people”
I can’t stop giggling at this. LOVE the guy in the video; great sense of humor.
H/T Erick Brockway, who says: “No word on a response by Al Sharpton. The world waits with breathless anticipation.”
Heh.
(originally/cross-posted at iowntheworld.com)
As noted at Nice Deb, the White House is spreading the Lefty (and super tacky) cheer this holiday season (I’m sure that’s what they call it; they can’t say Christmas season- Egads!).
Image Courtesy AP
Who on Earth designed such a thing? Not only is it super duper tacky, it is all disheveled looking with bare spots and hanging bits galore. Parts of it are awfully droopy as well – perhaps meant to reflect Obama’s drooping poll numbers? Breitbart’s BigGovernment.com has the scoop; and if you thought the tree itself was bad enough, wait until you see the actual ornaments!
Why let a holiday season come between the White House and making some political statements? The White House pegged controversial designer Simon Doonan to oversee the Christmas decorations for the White House. Mr. Doonan, who is creative director of Barney’s New York has often caused a stir with his design choices. Like his naughty yuletide window display of Margaret Thatcher as a dowdy dominatrix and Dan Quayle as a ventriloquist’s dummy. For this year’s White House, he didn’t disappoint.
These photos of ornaments on the White House Christmas tree in the Blue Room were taken just days ago. Of course, Mao has his place in the White House.
Image Courtesy NiceDeb
Image Courtesy Breitbart/BigGovernment.com
Stay classy, Left! A transvestite ornament, Lincoln as Obama (dude, again? That’s really getting played out. Plus, dummies, Lincoln was a Republican), Obama’s head superimposed on Mount Rushmore (hubris, much?) and Mao. MAO. On the Christmas Tree in the White House – the home of the man who is supposed to be the Leader of the Free World.
Allahpundit at Hot Air points out that perhaps the Administration really did not know – they couldn’t possibly be so dense as to proceed if they had – could they? I’m not so sure. I think they are that dense and, more importantly, that arrogant and “in your face-y.” Plus, even if they did not know, that’s really almost as bad. Just how darn clueless ARE they?
Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up. I would be pointing and snickering madly at both their misplaced audacity (of no hope) and their utter incompetence in every single area – even a Christmas tree, for goodness sake. I would be pointing and snickering, if only it wasn’t so truly revealing and frightening.
(originally / cross-posted at iowntheworld.com)
I first “met” Sean Medlock as Jim Treacher when he was blogging at The Daily Gut. I was hooked in by his quick wit and clever insight right from the start. He soon became Thinkies Porn.
Some time later, during the ‘08 election cycle, I got to know him a bit on a more personal level. I had posted something about Sarah Palin on a discussion board and, via a Google search, “Jim Treacher” found it. He emailed me to discuss it with me and to tell me “Good job; keep blogging.” He knew me from Adam, yet took the time to email me, comment personally and encourage someone he did not know at all.
That’s just the kind of guy he is. He is lacking any pretense whatsoever. He is humble, kind and thoughtful. He is always willing to help anyone, no matter how “big” or “small”; he does not obsess over “traffic” or hits, which is rather refreshing in the blogosphere. Instead, he is concerned only with educating people, with pointing out wrongs done by our government and alleged leaders and with making people laugh through the anger. He excels at all.
He’s also the reason I joined Twitter (so y’all can blame him, heh.) It was the night Obama made his “Special Olympics” joke on Leno. My BFF Jenny had already joined Twitter and said “Hey, Treach is on a roll tonight.” I had to look and was hooked once again. Some examples:
Last night, President Obama debuted his standup comedy act on the Tonight Show. You’ve heard his hilarious wisecracks about the Special Olympics and “waterheads,” and here are a few of his other witticisms:
“Thanks for having me on the show, Jay. You seem like a pretty nice guy… for an Italian. [Tony Soprano impersonation] Ayyyy! Fuggetaboutit!”
“You think being the first black president is easy? Every time I leave the White House, Secret Service checks my pockets for silverware.”
“Yeah, John McCain and I get along. Although he always freezes me out when I try to give him a high five! [audience groans] What, too soon?
Sarah Palin and I don’t talk much, ’cause I don’t speak Tardese. ‘Doy! Durr! Look at my dumb baby!’ [audience member boos] Oh, lighten up.”
“Ya know, I thought about picking a female VP too. But I’ve already got somebody to clean my house and fetch me beers! Am I right, fellas?”
“Any Irish folks in the audience? Don’t raise your hand, you might spill your drink. ‘When Oirish oys are smilin’…’” [staggers, pretends to vomit]
You know what cracks me up? Chinese people. [sticks front teeth over bottom lip and pushes back corners of eyes] ‘Herro, Mistel Plesident!’
Obama responds to the controversy: “You know, I didn’t mess with those people’s chromosomes. This administration has inherited these genetic anomalies.”
Damn, he’s hilarious. Making people giggle-snort with mirth, yet think at the same time, is a gift. He has it.
I probably wouldn’t have even attempted blogging if it wasn’t for discovering Sean (Treacher) at The Daily Gut. It was the first time I’d seen someone successfully use humor to make valid, insightful points and said to myself “Hey. THAT is exactly what we need.” Thus, he became a sort of mentor, as I am sure he has for many, many others.
I’ve gotten to know him a little better since then and I’m proud to call him a friend and not just a mentor, even though we’ve never “met” in person. He continued to encourage me, always, and said encouragement meant so much, truly. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank him enough.
Now, Tucker Carlson has also recognized his genius and has hired him for The Daily Caller. I am so thoroughly thrilled for him; it is so very well-deserved. I’m also thrilled FOR US. We are extremely lucky to have Sean Medlock on our side, and now fighting in the trenches of Washington DC. I joked with Dan Collins today that I want to send Sean a pitchfork so that we can vicariously wave a pitchfork through him. I also ask that he shake his fist angrily at the White House daily for us.
And kick ass. Like I know he will. Congratulations, Sean. I wish you all the best, always.
P.S. Thank you also for picking the name Treacher, as it lends itself well to punny titles. I loves me some pun.
P.P.S. Also relieved that I no longer have to worry about slipping and spilling the name beans 
Ed Driscoll says “Mister, we could use a president who quotes Chesterton again.” Boy, do I agree. Oh, how I miss this man. But, to paraphrase General Patton, I will not mourn that he has died; I thank God that such a man lived. I hold his words close to my heart and I hope (the real kind) that our Country finds its way and can follow his lead once again.
You can find the entire transcript here. Please, please read it in its entirety. I’ve quoted some passages below and the video follows:
We’ve lived here as your tenants for almost a year now, and what a year it’s been. As a people we’ve been through quite a lot—moments of joy, of tragedy, and of real achievement—moments that I believe have brought us all closer together. G.K. Chesterton once said that the world would never starve for wonders, but only for the want of wonder.
At this special time of year, we all renew our sense of wonder in recalling the story of the first Christmas in Bethlehem, nearly 2,000 year ago.
Some celebrate Christmas as the birthday of a great and good philosopher and teacher. Others of us believe in the divinity of the child born in Bethlehem, that he was and is the promised Prince of Peace. Yes, we’ve questioned why he who could perform miracles chose to come among us as a helpless babe, but maybe that was his first miracle, his first great lesson that we should learn to care for one another.
Tonight, in millions of American homes, the glow of the Christmas tree is a reflection of the love Jesus taught us. Like the shepherds and wise men of that first Christmas, we Americans have always tried to follow a higher light, a star, if you will. At lonely campfire vigils along the frontier, in the darkest days of the Great Depression, through war and peace, the twin beacons of faith and freedom have brightened the American sky. At times our footsteps may have faltered, but trusting in God’s help, we’ve never lost our way.
Just across the way from the White House stand the two great emblems of the holiday season: a Menorah, symbolizing the Jewish festival of Hanukkah, and the National Christmas Tree, a beautiful towering blue spruce from Pennsylvania. Like the National Christmas Tree, our countryis a living, growing thing planted in rich American soil. Only our devoted care can bring it to full flower. So, let this holiday season be for us a time of rededication.
Even as we rejoice, however, let us remember that for some Americans, this will not be as happy a Christmas as it should be. I know a little of what they feel. I remember one Christmas Eve during the Great Depression, my father opening what he thought was a Christmas greeting. It was a notice that he no longer had a job.
Over the past year, we’ve begun the long, hard work of economic recovery. Our goal is an America in which every citizen who needs and wants a job can get a job. Our program for recovery has only been in place for 12 weeks now, but it is beginning to work. With your help and prayers, it will succeed. We’re winning the battle against inflation, runaway government spending and taxation, and that victory will mean more economic growth, more jobs, and more opportunity for all Americans.
As I speak to you tonight, the fate of a proud and ancient nation hangs in the balance. For a thousand years, Christmas has been celebrated in Poland, a land of deep religious faith, but this Christmas brings little joy to the courageous Polish people. They have been betrayed by their own government.
I urge the Polish government and its allies to consider the consequences of their actions. How can they possibly justify using naked force to crush a people who ask for nothing more than the right to lead their own lives in freedom and dignity? Brute force may intimidate, but it cannot form the basis of an enduring society, and the ailing Polish economy cannot be rebuilt with terror tactics.
Ambassador Spasowski requested that on Christmas Eve a lighted candle will burn in the White House window as a small but certain beacon of our solidarity with the Polish people. I urge all of you to do the same tomorrow night, on Christmas Eve, as a personal statement of your commitment to the steps we’re taking to support the brave people of Poland in their time of troubles.
Once, earlier in this century, an evil influence threatened that the lights were going out all over the world. Let the light of millions of candles in American homes give notice that the light of freedom is not going to be extinguished. We are blessed with a freedom and abundance denied to so many. Let those candles remind us that these blessings bring with them a solid obligation, an obligation to the God who guides us, an obligation to the heritage of liberty and dignity handed down to us by our forefathers and an obligation to the children of the world, whose future will be shaped by the way we live our lives today.
Christmas means so much because of one special child. But Christmas also reminds us that all children are special, that they are gifts from God, gifts beyond price that mean more than any presents money can buy. In their love and laughter, in our hopes for their future lies the true meaning of Christmas.
So, in a spirit of gratitude for what we’ve been able to achieve together over the past year and looking forward to all that we hope to achieve together in the years ahead, Nancy and I want to wish you all the best of holiday seasons. As Charles Dickens, whom I quoted a few moments ago, said so well in “A Christmas Carol,” “God bless us, every one.”
Good night.
I’m putting a candle in my window on Christmas Eve. The light of freedom will NOT be extinguished on my watch, dammit. The Shining City on the Hill will remain full of luster and not tarnished by a Government willing to suppress the rights of its people.
Thank you, once again and as always, Ronald Reagan, for fighting for and honoring Freedom. Would that our alleged leaders today heed your words instead of creeping around in the dead of night in an attempt to achieve full control over the citizenry. And, if not, let the American people — We, the People — have the strength and the courage to rise up out of apathy and feelings of entitlement to once again embrace, and fight for, Freedom.
Merry Christmas, all. May the flame of freedom burn bright once again.
Originally / cross-posted at iowntheworld.com
